There are situations in life when “settling” is good—encouraged even. In these situations. it’s more like compromising and being flexible than settling.
You’re going to dinner with a group. Everyone wants something different. You concede to go wherever the majority decides. Good move. You like the food even if it wasn’t your first choice and the company is what’s most important anyway.
You’re going to the movies with a friend. She wants interesting and you prefer rom-com. You let her pick and end up at a movie that makes your Top Five Worst Movies list. Cool. You’re flexible. And if this happens enough you can have a good laugh about how your friend picks the worst movies—EVER (really this happened to me).
Areas of life where you should NOT settle? Relationships, careers, jobs, where you live….just to name a few.
If you find yourself saying any of the following, you might need to re-evaluate and make some changes.
- I should be happy with my relationship. At least someone loves me.
- I should be happy with my job. At least I’m getting paid.
- I should be happy living here. At least I have a nice house.
- I should be happy with my career. I get lots of respect.
Remember, “I should” is different than “I am”.
When it comes to important decisions in life there are big reasons that people settle.
- For whatever real or perceived wrongs you have done, there is a feeling of not being worthy of what you really want. You feel that you should just be happy with what is offered--even if it’s not what you want. Your reasoning is “take it now, something better or more suitable will not come my way because I don’t deserve it”.
- You’re afraid to follow your own path in life and be yourself for fear of criticism, rejection, or failure. “If I do this my (mother, father, spouse, friends), will think I’m crazy. If I fail I will be judged and criticized.” You believe that making your own choices will result in the loss of love and approval.
First let me say that if you find someone that is perfect, unblemished, no baggage, no skeletons then I’d like to meet them. Honestly, this person exists only in your mind. Well and maybe theirs. There are people who want you to believe they fit this description…but they don’t. They work with smoke and mirrors. It’s time to start believing that you are as worthy and deserving as the next person. The only outstanding question is…are you ready?
Second, I’d like to throw out the names of some very famous “failures”. Michael Jordan—cut from his high school basketball team. Dr. Seuss—first book was rejected 27 times. Walt Disney—was fired and then went bankrupt several times before he built the Disney empire. I’m sure these people suffered plenty criticism and judgment about their ability and choices. But the thing is, doing something of your own choosing is far better than sitting on the sidelines doing nothing—even if it means one of those “sideline critics” judges you. What do they know anyway? They’re on the sidelines.
Rewrite the above statements to say:
- I will be happy with my relationship.
- I will be happy with my job.
- I will be happy with where I live.
- I will be happy with my career.
Now go after what you really want—because you deserve it!